Passage One
A recent US best-seller declared that men and women are so different that we must be from different planets! Men, it was said, can’t talk about their feelings. Thus, the author suggested that when a man is upset, a woman should just go shopping.
Well, speaking for the one man I know best, I can say that I feel insulted, underestimated and stereotyped by such misleading generalizations. Not only do I believe the author’s premise to be false, but I believe it contributes toe the problem by perpetuating a dysfunctional myth. In my experience, men, like women, can talk about their feelings if they are given the words to do so.
This myth that men are insensitive is also reinforced through the socialization process. Buys are not supposed to cry, and if they do they are denigrated wit labels such as sissy, pansy, and much worse, all of which are designed to shame them into acting “manly”. In the man’s world, one of the first things boys learn is that the expression of any so-called feminine feelings will quickly bring mockery, ridicule, rejection and other forms of social disapproval.
Boys are taught to play with injuries and are admired when they endure pain. Men have long been taught to blindly obey in areas as law enforcement, the military and even in some corporations. A man who is trained to kill animals for trophies, to fight bulls for entertainment and to kill other humans in battle is a man who has been conditioned to alienate himself forms this feeling. And now it seems women are becoming more like men, rather than vice versa.
Research shows that women, in general, are by nature more empathetic, sensitive and attuned to their own and other’s feelings. But I have known some men who are more emotionally sensitive than some women. The preliminary scores on EI (Emotional Intelligence) tests also show that there is only a small difference in the composite EI score. From personal experience, I’ve found it easy to teach men to identify and express their feelings. And finally, I am living proof that not all men are from Mars!